Well I decided that I want to write something regarding my feelings towards technology after reading a brilliant Charlie Brooker article about the ups and downs of life with Apple products. I have to say right from the off that it's an uneasy and somewhat one-sided relationship. I am constantly smashing my head off of tables, walls, children, anything really, in frustration at the seeming ineptitude of technology. I thought computers and phones were supposed to be miraculous machines that made life easier and did whatever you commanded instantly. I must have slept through some kind of Glorious Revolution of the Machine Ones that, instead of turning the world into some horrible Terminator-style future, simply turned into a future where computers mock us from their cold, unfeeling screens, slowly driving us more and more insane until eventually we are sobbing over our own keyboards on our knees screaming "FORGIVE ME SENSEI!!!" Why "sensei?" I dunno, you've gone insane, you'll shout any old shit when you've lost it...
But yes, back to my original point. Modern technology, more particularly computers and phones seem to have hindered us more than anything else. I mean, there was a time when if you wanted to buy the latest Justin Bieber, erm sorry, Deicide, CD you went downtown to HMV, bought it and listened to it. Today I tried to download an album from Amazon and was reduced to a blubbering mess as my computer mockingly repeated it's inability to complete the download for an hour AFTER AMAZON TOOK MY MONEY!!! (I eventually got a refund, by the way, from some very helpful staff, showing how computers are evil, people can be nice). Since when was life so complicated? I honestly wish we were all still primitive hunter-gatherers, hunting, shagging, eating and dying at age 27 because a Lion was a wee bit peckish and you wandered along like a Dairylea dunkables box with legs.
But there's the crux; it's a wish that will never be fulfilled. We are all of us, myself included, totally addicted to technology. We suckle at its soothing digital teats like defenseless babies fresh out of the womb. Yeah, that digital milk sure tastes goooood... I know I could never give up technology to pursue the simple life I know will be better for me. If I gave up technology how would I be able to keep with the adventures of The Saviour of Broken Britain and Dealer of Tough Medicine, David Cameron!?! And so we hurtle towards a future where coffe-machines and laptops issue us commands as we all stand in neat blocks like Nazis at a rally, dumbly stroking our iPhone screens like they're Megan Fox's tits. And personally I look forward to this bleak apocalypse as long as I can finally DOWNLOAD STUFF FROM AMAZON!!!
